tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-186129702011-04-21T21:31:26.914-07:00The Marcus Halberstram ExperimentI write. You read. It's that simple.
Welcome to the new home of Sean Crespo and Dan Bialek, updated every day or so.
Please visit www.danandsean.com for more information.
Yours in "Yours"ing,
The CrespoThe Crespohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16812636802566653501noreply@blogger.comBlogger391100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18612970.post-1143087483395660202006-03-22T20:14:00.000-08:002006-03-22T20:18:03.420-08:00Cracked blog is up now!Go to it, my friends. This site is now dead to me.http://thecrespo.cracked.com/GO!!! FIGHT!!! WIN!!!Yours,Sean CrespoThe Crespohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16812636802566653501noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18612970.post-1142094728826965662006-03-11T08:24:00.000-08:002006-03-11T08:32:08.926-08:00NEW BLOG IS HERE NEW BLOG IS HERE!The new site for Dan and my blog, SEAN CRESPO WILL TEACH YOU SATIRE, and also the only place we'll be updating, is now at http://thecrespo.cracked.com/. This blog right here...is dead to us.The new site, however, is still under construction. I will be retro-formatting older articles as well as categorizing and moving new and old pieces around for a couple weeks to come.Don't worry. It's not you. The Crespohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16812636802566653501noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18612970.post-1141606968818559852006-03-05T16:59:00.000-08:002006-03-06T07:30:04.840-08:00MY BLOG IS MOVING ON UP, WELL, SIDEWAYSBut lateral movement is still movement! Right? Right.The Marcus Halberstram Experiment will be moving to cracked.com shortly. No, there's no pay, but lots of exposure! Right? Right.The official address is still being chosen. And I will not be updating for the next few days until the blog is finished being designed. I thank all 4 of you who read my work for your patience. You're truly wonderful The Crespohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16812636802566653501noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18612970.post-1141326638526564272006-03-02T10:27:00.000-08:002006-03-02T11:10:38.540-08:00Truly Tasteless Radical Fundamentalist Muslim JokesAs Americans, sometimes we forget we are not the center of the world, and that other cultures, though seemingly disparate, are really much more similar to us than they are different. This is nowhere more true than with comedy. Sometimes it's a translation issue. Sometimes it's just a laziness on the part of the listener while trying to remain open minded. But to prove that humor is instictive andThe Crespohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16812636802566653501noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18612970.post-1141139066629861932006-02-28T06:17:00.000-08:002006-03-01T07:15:03.326-08:00PEDERAST FONZARELLIINT. AL’S DINER - DAYRICHIE CUNNINGHAM sits in a booth with his girlfriend MARY BETH. Mary Beth has a shawl over her head and Richie’s in his letterman’s jacket and floodwater khakis. RALPH MALPH and POTSIE WEBER enter the restaurant. Ralph has a huge bandage on his head. Potsie’s arm is in a sling. They take a seat across from Richie. Several ‘50’s HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS mill around in the The Crespohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16812636802566653501noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18612970.post-1140668331330723182006-02-22T20:16:00.000-08:002006-02-22T20:18:51.353-08:00A FEW BEST/WORST LISTSWORST GANGS IN THE WARRIORS video game to fight The CalligraphistsThe 3rd Street Good FriendsThe A Train HemophiliacsThe Walter MondalesThe Stuytown Handicapables!The Very Old Men With Bad VisionThe SecretariesThe Existential QuandariesThe Print Journalism Students UnionThe Moist BoyzzLes Petits Appertifs de BronxThe Sponge KittensCupcake Lovers Club WORST NAMES FOR METAL BANDS The Monsters of The Crespohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16812636802566653501noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18612970.post-1140499754246475192006-02-20T21:27:00.000-08:002006-02-20T21:29:14.403-08:00Political activist and notorious gadfly/performance jokester Christopher X. Brodeur found guilty on 21 counts of various levels of harrassmentTHIS POST WAS TAKEN FROM JESSICA DELFINO'S SITEhttp://jessydelfino.blogspot.com/2006/02/cxb-in-jail-again-this-time-maybe-for.htmlThursday, February 16, 2006CXB IN JAIL AGAIN, this time maybe for a long while...Hello FriendsIf you could, please list any or all of this anywhere possible, and please participate: Political activist and notorious gadfly/performance jokester Christopher X. Brodeur (The Crespohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16812636802566653501noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18612970.post-1140452312036196652006-02-20T08:17:00.000-08:002006-02-20T08:19:22.846-08:00Possible Titles for Books Written by College Sports Champion Coaches This Year1. Grit: Coach Ritchie and the Texas A&R Punisher’s 2005 Championship Season2. Mr. Grit Goes To Washington…State: The Harpoon’s Northwest Conference Title Year with Coach Fremont3. Redifining Grit: Coach Halberdsman Shares the Ups and Downs of the Ohio College of the Valley Cannonballs’ 2005 Season4. Shear Grit: Inside Coach Porter’s 2005 Championship Penn U. College Ravenous Cougars Line-Up 5. The Crespohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16812636802566653501noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18612970.post-1140103855626969382006-02-16T07:16:00.001-08:002006-02-16T08:28:17.036-08:00DRINK AT WORK.com now posting my geniusToday, with the official launch of my column Sean Crespo Will Teach You Satire at www.drinkatwork.com, marks the beginning of the Sean Crespo Dynastic Age. (please note I did try to fit my full name into the above sentence a third time but the stress on the base struts was too high)Is it a dynasty, technically? Well, ok so far it's just me and yes, I have no kids or relatives to whom I can pass The Crespohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16812636802566653501noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18612970.post-1139857632390112672006-02-13T10:48:00.000-08:002006-02-13T11:07:12.456-08:00SMALL LIBERAL ARTS COLLEGES SPORTS MASCOTS (I apologize in advance for this piece)The Stonybrook Firm Handshake or “Firmy”The Emerson College DOUBLE ESPRESSO SHOT or “Shaky Jake”The Mount Holyoke College Assorted Struedels or “Assorty”The Simmons College 19th Amendment or “SuffraBeast”The Reed College The Hitler or “Holocausty”The Crespohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16812636802566653501noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18612970.post-1139778916385856832006-02-12T12:50:00.001-08:002006-02-19T13:23:50.303-08:00Sean Crespo's Indie Band Brander®“Coming up with band names was always a big problem for me, that is, it used to be until I met Sean Crespo and started using his patented INDIE BAND BRANDER. It works! And now so do I! Sometimes! Thanks Sean!”-Remy Andrews, back-up bass guitarist for Wolves a-FistingNo need to thank me Remy. The half-off comps to your show Sunday morning at that basement church annex you rented out was reward The Crespohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16812636802566653501noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18612970.post-1139545356807595242006-02-09T20:14:00.000-08:002006-02-09T20:22:36.820-08:00LUNESTA IS COMING FOR YOUIt is the year 2042. The time of Man has ended. Few enough of us survived the pharmaceutical holocaust, but even now, our numbers continue to dwindle to near extinction levels. One hunter above all others haunts us, stalking us, taking us one by one, always in the night. It is called simply …LUNESTA(to be continued)The Crespohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16812636802566653501noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18612970.post-1139294059597649792006-02-06T22:30:00.000-08:002006-02-07T10:03:11.233-08:00HOW TO BE LOATHSOMELY REPELLENT TO WOMENby John Doeas told to Sean Crespo and Jay Pinkertonavailable off site at:http://www.nationallampoon.com/nl/03_voices/loathsome/loathsome.asp available in print at:http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1590710185/103-4286877-5371833?v=glance&n=283155Are you being forced to engage in excessive amounts of exhaustive love making, many times against your will? Lord knows I’ve had this problem. Often I The Crespohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16812636802566653501noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18612970.post-1139245263463313482006-02-06T08:57:00.000-08:002006-02-06T09:05:53.586-08:00It’s a belated holiday piece I couldn’t post due to my lost laptop, you jerks.As a big fan of being able to breathe air with viscosity levels around 2 cP and to drink water with a molar filth concentration of .5M or less, I’m naturally a strong supporter of environmentally sound lifestyles. Which is why living in Los Angeles always irked me. It’s a sprawling desert megalopolis with no resources of its own (not counting Mexicans) and prone to frequent disasters like The Crespohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16812636802566653501noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18612970.post-1138900436662865782006-02-02T09:09:00.000-08:002006-02-02T09:13:56.733-08:00I'm back in the laptop saddle again. Confusing imagery, I know, you jerks.So starting next week, I will begin linking up my updates with that of my pals Carol adn Ces at www.drinkatwork.com. Check here on Monday for updates, which will also be appearing on their venerable site at their leisure.And someday, I'm going to--I don't know how--but I'm going to find a way to get Pinkerton on board, and the four of us will rule the un-e-verse together with our combined monthlyThe Crespohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16812636802566653501noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18612970.post-1138603407055453382006-01-29T22:36:00.000-08:002006-02-02T09:17:40.546-08:00New laptop by Thursday, you jerks.I am in my bathroom typing as quietly as possible so as not to wake Melinda, my girlfriend, while I inform you, the unwashed masses, of my Best Buy related fate. She sleeps lightly, even after the chloroform--it's herbal chloroform so don't get all bent out of shape. Completely natural and enviro-safe.Anyway, regarding the whole lost computer situation....I won. I am getting a better model, The Crespohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16812636802566653501noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18612970.post-1137133681631959342006-01-12T22:16:00.000-08:002006-01-12T22:28:01.643-08:00You wouldn't believe me if I told you what was happening at this point with my laptop, you jerks.You would believe me, actually. This isn't that epic a tale. It's not as if my laptop became sentient and is trying to upload human souls through monitors.But if it did, the movie based on these events years later would be called BANDWIDTH. And the tagline would be, "Don't get too attached." So hear are the questions you're all wondering about.Apologies from UPS and/or BEST BUY? No. Claim forms? The Crespohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16812636802566653501noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18612970.post-1136238040116544492006-01-02T13:35:00.000-08:002006-01-02T13:40:40.126-08:00BEST BUY and UPS are in deep deep trouble with the Crespo, you jerks.I know I said I wouldn't update at a Kinko's, but things have changed. Best Buy and UPS managed to lose my laptop and to top it off, the back-up disc Best Buy burned for me, and which I just now for the first time since it was made in mid November checked for some pieces I wrote in order to sell them, doesn't include any of the files I need. I am ruined. The Crespo literary empire is in tatters. The Crespohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16812636802566653501noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18612970.post-1135643190220736492005-12-26T16:16:00.000-08:002006-01-02T13:43:50.266-08:00BestBuy is way late fixing my laptop, you jerks, but they're jerks too now so maybe you won't feel so alone, you jerks (again).The delivery of my newly healed laptop should have been made a few days ago, but I guess the Best Buy tech department didn't have time to deal with my Toshiba Satellite Notebook cause they were probably busy with Santa's 800 million plus list of defective products they should expect to find returned shortly after the 25th, which he guiltily delivered to children in the full knowledge these The Crespohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16812636802566653501noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18612970.post-1133735262743080902005-12-04T14:11:00.000-08:002005-12-04T14:27:42.760-08:00No, I'm not back. My girlfriend lent me her laptop, you jerks.Don't mistake this entry for a return to regular updating by me. I'm just borrowing my ggirlfriend's laptop from work. Just remember, I'm on a crashed-hardrive-imposed e-vacation and I'm enjoying it. Everyday I awake without the desperate need to type up something funny for you blackholes of laughter out there who read my satirical entries. I swear, you guys, it's never enough for you, is it? I The Crespohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16812636802566653501noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18612970.post-1132623040979326342005-11-21T17:20:00.000-08:002005-11-21T17:30:40.990-08:00It's a broken laptop, you jerks.Well, the whirligig of time has brought in his revenges in the form of a hard drive that does not boot as of yesterday, and since I am not a thousandaire who can afford to blow away untold credit dollars on a Kinko's PC workstation, I must withdraw for the next 2-3 weeks (or until Best Buy gets my frigging laptop back in working order) from the duties and joys of presenting you, my readership, The Crespohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16812636802566653501noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18612970.post-1132332190043196172005-11-18T08:41:00.000-08:002005-11-18T08:43:11.520-08:00It's satire, you jerks.Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff (for Sociopaths):And It's All KILL KILL KILL PIG FUCK!You Can’t Remove Every Body.Often we find ourselves worrying about things like how to dispose of removed skin, for instance.“It’s the largest organ on the body. I have to start hiding it now!”“It’ll never fit in these barrels.”“I don’t think that’s enough acid.”But while we’re fretting about it, we lose track of theThe Crespohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16812636802566653501noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18612970.post-1132118267964393792005-11-15T20:27:00.000-08:002005-11-15T21:18:41.203-08:00DANandSEAN Short Film ClassicsWritten and shot for AOL in one week's time, please, a big round of applause for...LOCAL ON THE 5's:http://www.collarsup.com/localonthe5s.htmFrom the now defunct but once very funny the Decline and Fall of Saturday Night's sketch show "The Parochial American Show"...The Australian Board of Tourism video brochure:http://collarsup.com/Movies/ABT2.movWinner of the Emerging Comics of New York Best The Crespohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16812636802566653501noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18612970.post-1132115148648033292005-11-15T20:21:00.000-08:002005-11-15T20:25:48.663-08:00It's satire, you jerks.POOR OPENING LINES WITH WHICH TO MAKE FIRST CONTACT"Hey, you guys just flew in from M82, right? By any chance, your arms wouldn't happen to be tired would they?""Wife swap!"“Death beam? Is that like a laser show?”"You think you're better than me?""We have some literature we'd like you to read.""Welcome to earth, we're easily divided against one another, but enough about us...""Can you come back The Crespohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16812636802566653501noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18612970.post-1131553579696715432005-11-09T08:20:00.000-08:002005-11-09T08:27:04.703-08:00It's satire, you jerks.Existing Tom Clancy Titles and Never-To-Be Tom Clancy TitlesCLANCYWithout RemorseCutting EdgeExecutive OrderBreaking PointWild CardRuthless.comRed Storm RisingRed RabbitThe Sum of All FearsThe Bear and the DragonRainbow SixThe Cardinal of the KremlinPatriot GamesHidden AgendasThe Teeth of the TigerThe Hunt for Red OctoberBio-StrikeDebt of HonorWar of EaglesShadow WatchMission of HonorBalance of The Crespohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16812636802566653501noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18612970.post-1131331891267007022005-11-06T18:50:00.000-08:002005-11-06T18:55:38.063-08:00danandsean short filmsWritten and shot for AOL in one week's time, please, a big round of applause for...LOCAL ON THE 5's:http://www.collarsup.com/localonthe5s.htmThe Crespohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16812636802566653501noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18612970.post-1131331800708758172005-11-06T18:48:00.000-08:002005-11-06T18:58:27.216-08:00danandsean short filmsFrom the now defunct but once very funny the Decline and Fall of Saturday Night's sketch show "The Parochial American Show"...The Australian Board of Tourism video brochure http://collarsup.com/Movies/ABT2.movThe Crespohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16812636802566653501noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18612970.post-1131331718505811302005-11-06T18:47:00.000-08:002005-11-06T18:54:42.623-08:00danandsean short filmsWinner of the Emerging Comics of New York Best Short Film Award 2005..."I AM DRUGS":http://www.collarsup.com/iamdrugs.htmThe Crespohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16812636802566653501noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18612970.post-1131331511357114362005-11-06T18:45:00.000-08:002005-11-06T18:45:51.763-08:00It's satire, you jerks.The Crespohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16812636802566653501noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18612970.post-1131331399895492352005-11-06T18:43:00.000-08:002005-11-06T18:44:21.306-08:00It's satire, you jerks.The Crespohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16812636802566653501noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18612970.post-1131331320643132892005-11-06T18:42:00.000-08:002005-11-06T18:42:44.256-08:00It's satire, you jerks.The Crespohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16812636802566653501noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18612970.post-1131330957284372582005-11-06T18:35:00.000-08:002005-11-06T18:37:04.686-08:00It's satire, you jerks.The Crespohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16812636802566653501noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18612970.post-1131330738774727882005-11-06T18:32:00.000-08:002005-11-06T18:34:53.140-08:00It's satire, you jerks.The Crespohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16812636802566653501noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18612970.post-1131142584197562372005-11-04T14:16:00.000-08:002005-11-04T14:16:24.200-08:00The Crespohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16812636802566653501noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18612970.post-1131132497294162352005-11-04T11:04:00.000-08:002005-11-06T09:43:10.650-08:00It's satire, you jerks.The History and Development of Police Interrogation TechniquesThe sublime dichotomy of Good Cop/Bad Cop …it seems like simple common sense to modern Americans. For instance, if you, the Good Cop, want to scare a criminal into confessing, you must make him believe that your partner is prone to excessive force and that you will be unable to stop him. A good way to do this, as we all know, is to The Crespohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16812636802566653501noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18612970.post-1131040545768100302005-11-03T12:30:00.000-08:002005-11-04T14:20:14.163-08:00It's satire, you jerks.September 26, 2005TO: SpidermanSubject:AN OPEN LETTER TO SPIDERMANFROM THE SANITATION DEPARTMENT OF NEW YORK CITYDear Spiderman,First of all, thank you very much for all that you have done for New York City and its inhabitants. We all feel safer knowing you are out “webslinging” among the skyscrapers of New York for violent criminals, tentacled super geniuses, hovering color-themed goblins, et alThe Crespohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16812636802566653501noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18612970.post-1131042379394002992005-11-03T10:26:00.000-08:002005-11-04T16:46:31.346-08:00From the "Gene Aurebacher" Dutch motivational calendar series featured in "Man's Health"The Crespohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16812636802566653501noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18612970.post-1131042149203046002005-11-03T10:22:00.000-08:002005-11-04T16:50:24.653-08:00If Rupert Murdoch owned High Times...The Crespohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16812636802566653501noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18612970.post-1131041760403035752005-11-03T10:16:00.000-08:002005-11-04T16:54:53.966-08:00New York fans of guitar lesson fliers beware: Sean Crespo IS Dan SmithThe Crespohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16812636802566653501noreply@blogger.com0