PEDERAST FONZARELLI

INT. AL’S DINER - DAY

RICHIE CUNNINGHAM sits in a booth with his girlfriend MARY BETH. Mary Beth has a shawl over her head and Richie’s in his letterman’s jacket and floodwater khakis. RALPH MALPH and POTSIE WEBER enter the restaurant. Ralph has a huge bandage on his head. Potsie’s arm is in a sling. They take a seat across from Richie. Several ‘50’s HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS mill around in the background, some of them are CHEERLEADERS.

RICHIE
Hey guys. How’s it going?

RALPH
Not so bad. Doctor said I’m bound to regain partial vision in my left eye within six weeks.

POTSIE
Yeah, and he told me that they’re going to be able to fuse bone from my hip for the piece missing from my elbow. I’ll be back on the badminton team in no time.

Everyone laughs for brief moment, but soon they all turn somber and stare down at the table.

RALPH
How are you feeling Mary Beth?

She begins to speak but then turns and quietly weeps into Richie’s chest.
Richie looks at his friends and motions for them move onto a different subject with his open hands.

POTSIE
You guys hear the new Jack Benny album? It’s really boss.

Richie and Ralph begin to speak, but Mary Beth interrupts them with a scream.

MARY BETH
Aaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwww!!!!!!!! I can’t take it. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him.

She pushes Richie out of the booth and springs to her feet. She shouts and points at Richie.

MARY BETH
And most of all I hate YOU!!! You coward. You let him do this to me.

Mary Beth rushes out of the diner.

RALPH
Geez. What got into her?

Richie is quiet. He sits back down in the booth and stares angrily at his clenched fists. He’s on the verge of tears.

POTSIE
Shut up, wiseguy. It’s not what, it’s who.

RICHIE
You shut your stinkin’ mouth!

RALPH
C’mon, Rich. It’s not so bad. We’ll figure out a way to stop him and get him back for what he’s done.

RICHIE
How? How do you stop a dirty filthy animal who befriends nerdy high school students only to gain access to their sweet and naive, oh so naive, girlfriends. He’s an animal I tell you. A filthy animal.

RALPH
(whispering)
Ixnay on the animalnay.

FONZI struts into the diner. The AUDIENCE applauds. Fonzi gives a “thumbs up”. A murder of CHEERLEADERS rush to him. The boys talk to him while the girls fawn over
Fonzi.

RICHIE
That son of a bitch has a lot of balls coming back in here.

Fonzi fake slow-motion punches MARCY, a young cheerleader, on the chin.

FONZI
Catch you on the flip side, Angelface.

She scampers off to the jukebox. Fonzi stares lustfully at her legs as she moves away. She blows him a kiss.

FONZI
Aaayyhh!

Fonzi addresses Richie and friends.

FONZI
How are my little sheep doing today.

RALPH
Not a “bo” peep, Fonz.

The Ralph and Potsie laugh uncomfortably.

FONZI
Yeah, that’s too bad that you two had that accident. I hate it when good friends fall down the exact same set of stairs. Although I’d hate it even more if those two friends were thinking about telling anybody anything different about that situation.

POTSIE
Who’d go and do a dumb thing like that, Fonz?

Fonzi sets his gaze on Richie.

FONZI
I don’t know. Who’d go and do a dumb thing like that. Cunningham, how’d your little girlfriend’s trip to the, ah, dentist go. Did she take care of that problem with her cavity?

Richie can’t bring himself to look at Fonzi.

RICHIE
Just fine, Fonz. Everything’s fine. Just like you said, Fonz.

FONZI
That’s great. You’ll have to tell her to be more careful about her dental hygiene.
We can’t have any little problems running around. You dig me, Cunningham.

RICHIE
Yeah, I dig you, Fonz.

Fonzi has begun eyeing Marcy again. She’s leaning against the jukebox talking to a couple CHEERLEADER FRIENDS.

FONZI
If you’ll excuse me. I’ve got to move on to greener and fresher pastures.
Fonzi takes a few steps towards the jukebox. Richie bounds out of his seat.

RICHIE
Hold it right there Fonzarelli. That girl’s only 15 years-old. And if you think I’m going to let you con some poor, sweet, innocent girl into taking a ride with you up to that gay trucker rest area that you call Inspiration Point, you’ve got another thing coming, Bucko.

FONZI
Excuse me, I think I just heard a dead man talking.

RICHIE
No, Fonz, you’re the dead man.

Ralph and Potsie cower under the table. Richie grabs a butter knife from it.

RICHIE
I’m going to slit you open like last week’s seafood surprise.

Fonzi whips out a switchblade.

FONZI
Oh, I’m going to thoroughly enjoy this.

He moves towards Richie.

MARCY
Hold it right there, Bucko.

Marcy pulls a .38 revolver from her pom-poms.

MARCY
Sergeant Marcy Finklestein, Milwaukee PD. Vice Unit. Drop the pigsticker, greaseball.

Fonzi gingerly sets the knife on the table.

FONZI
Aaayyhh!

RALPH
Oh my god, she’s a flatfoot.

Marcy flashes her badge.

MARCY
Yep, we’ve been watching this scumbag for months. Just waiting for the right time to spring our trap.

She slams Fonzi down on the table and begins to cuff him.

MARCY
Can you imagine, a 35-year-old man preying on innocent school girls. You’re going down “Fonz,” big time.

Marcy drags Fonzi out of the diner.

INT. PRISON CELL - DAY

CLOSE UP of Fonzi’s hands clutching the bars of a jail cell. A LARGE CONVICT moves in behind him. As we hear the Large Convict begin his business, the CAMERA PANS to the prison wall. Graffiti above a metal toilet reads “SIT ON IT!”